Running Start

I’m through midterms in the summer session and things seem to be humming right along. Technically, I’m through one midterm, one final and I start a new class this afternoon. Summer classes are weird. I have one class that is an 8 week class and then 2 classes that are 4 week classes. Needless to say they are accelerated. Being in class between 3-5 hours every day is intense. And the workload is kicking my ass. But I enjoy it; it feels like this is where I should be.

Does the fact that I enjoy the class workload make me a masochist?

I also know I am doing something right because I got an A in American Lit II, right out of the gate 3 grade A credit hours. That helps me kick this journey back to school off right. Notice in my last post that I have become that student. I was something less than during the first go-round. I was more focused on professional life and enjoying the other aspects of college than I was on the classroom.

I had treated getting the first degree like a chore. A piece of business that needed to be managed and then crossed off the "to do" list. I learned a lot about finance that way, but I wouldn’t call it inspired learning and debate. I’d call it practical learning and regurgitation.

I had grossly underestimated how much understanding what you enjoy in terms of academic pursuits could teach you about yourself and what you want. Enjoying my classes is not just a product of not being college age. I am enjoying them because I want to be a writer, and these are the classes that writers take.

And the fact that I am doing well in these classes and enjoying them only re-enforces the fact that I made the right decision.

I am thankful that I have the finance degree though. It provides a level of confidence to know that I have done this once before, finishing under different circumstances, but having finished nonetheless. It provides a perspective that has helped me figure out what I want and what it will take to get there.

At some point in time, this lofty academic discussion and learning is going to have to manifest into something practical in the real world. But for now I am enjoying my chance to get it right on the second go around.

Right now I am enjoying the running start of the summer session.

I've Become "that" Guy

I have totally become “that” student. You know the one I’m talking about. The one who always has his hand raised, always has something to add to the discussion. The one who drops by the professor’s office for advice on a paper and to exchange ideas. The one who doesn’t consider homework a burden.

Yeah, I’ve become that guy.

I’ve always enjoyed intelligent discussion and learning, but this time it feels different. I don’t take it for granted. I didn’t have this level of appreciation or enjoyment for the classroom when I was younger. I enjoyed the discussion but didn’t enjoy putting in the work.

I was um….enjoying some of the other aspects of college.

The point is that it feels different at 30. Way different. It’s easier to appreciate being back in the classroom with the drive of pursuing something after you’ve spent a few years in the real world. The real world shows you a lot about what you want to do with your life by virtue of forcing you to live life, both professionally and personally. It shows you who you are, not who you think you are.

When you work day in and day out in the real world, the question about what you want to do with your life becomes less of a discussion in the abstract and more like a decision with actual consequences. No matter your career path or life goals, unless you win the lottery (career choice #1 for most of us), you are going to spend a sizable amount of your waking hours doing something to earn money.

And so, it always comes back to the question: is this what you really want to be doing….for the rest of your life?

And when you have or create an opportunity to pursue what you want to do, what you have always talked about doing, you have to take it. When you have an opportunity for the status to go from “thinking about it” to acting on it, you owe it to yourself not to screw it up, to milk it for all its worth. And you damn well better not take it for granted.

Knowledge for the Sake of Knowledge

I had no idea that I had talked so much about being a writer and for so long until I decided to go back to school. Turns out this decision surprised no one. Turns out I had talked about it a lot. Turns out I’ve been talking about it for 5 years. Of the many lessons I have learned in life, one of the most key has been that to truly understand something, you have to understand the driving force behind it. So the question isn’t whether or not I want to write. The question is why.

The most fundamental reason came to me when I was talking to an old friend the other night. He is a history professor and was working on his PhD when we met. A few years back we used to get together on a weekly basis to discuss anything from philosophy to history to politics to literature. Pretty much anything that came to mind.

If that makes me sound like a dork, it’s because I am. And strangely proud of it.

I asked if he was surprised that I had chosen to go back. He said: “Not at all. Brendan, you have always struck as the type of person that enjoys knowledge for the sake of knowledge.” He has a point, I do love to learn. I love to discuss and exchange ideas. And therein lies my motivation for becoming a writer.

Writing offers a great opportunity for the exchange of ideas. Good writing, be it in the form of a book, a television show, a movie or a play, is designed not only to captivate the reader, but to make him think about the subject matter, and how it impacts the real world. Good writing should spark debate in the reader’s own mind and among the author’s audience as a whole.

That is the kind of writing I would like to do. Whether it is in the form of a TV show or novel, I want to create something that is thought provoking. Something that hits the reader on a level deeper than sheer entertainment. Something that creates the exchange of ideas among readers that I enjoy creating in my own life.

Ultimately, I need to find a way to translate that into paying the bills. Actually I’m more ambitious than that. I need to find a way to translate that into making serious money. But for now I’m happy to settle for enjoying knowledge for the sake of knowledge.

School is in Session

I’m unemployed, and in this economy, that is not a problem that is easily corrected. That next great job is not right around the corner right now. Neither is the not so great job for that matter. In fact, I don’t think either of those jobs exist at the moment. You want to know the worst part about being unemployed? And don’t say being broke Captain Obvious. The worst part about unemployment is boredom. Endless amounts of boredom. Climbing the fucking walls that you just cleaned for the third time this week boredom.

There is only so much boredom that can be solved by Facebook and Netflix.

Boredom does, however, leave you with a lot of time to think. Time to think about what you really want to do with your life. Time to think about how to do it. In all this thinking I figured out that I want to be a writer. I say figured out like I didn’t already know. I say figured out like I hadn’t been talking about it for years. It was more like I stumbled onto the idea that had been gnawing at the back of my brain.

The problem was that I was too busy. Between working, finishing up my first Bachelors, which is in Finance, and having a social life, writing got lost in the shuffle and stayed there. Who has time to pursue a dream when there was a life to be lived? Lack of time is not so much of a problem at the moment. So why not go back to school to get a degree that is in line with what I actually want to do. I can’t find a job in any fields that I am qualified to work in right now anyway. Why not go back?

I swear to God a light bulb actually appeared over my head when that dawned on me.

So I enrolled last week and am now a full time college student. Again. And this time I’m 30. College looks different at 30 than it does at 20. It feels a little weird to be going back, but overall it feels good. It feels like the right thing to do and I look forward to the experience.

And it solves the boredom problem.

I’ve decided to blog about the experience. I think being back in the classroom at 30 is going to be interesting to write about and hopefully interesting to read about. As with everything, only time will tell.